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1. Limericks I cannot compose, With noxious smells in my nose. But this one was easy, I only felt queasy, Because I was sniffing my toes. 2. There was a young woman named Bright, Whose speed was much faster than light. She set out one day, In a relative way, And returned on the previous night. 3. There was an odd fellow named Gus, When traveling he made such a fuss. He was banned from the train, Not allowed on a plane, And now travels only by bus. 4. There once was a fly on the wall, I wonder, why didn’t it fall? Because its feet stuck? Or was it just luck? Or does gravity miss things so small? 5. There once was a man from Tibet, Who couldn't find a cigarette So he smoked all his socks, and got chicken-pox, and had to go to the vet. 6. There was a young woman named Bright, Whose speed was much faster than light. She set out one day, In a relative way, And returned on the previous night. 7. I need a front door for my hall, The replacement I bought was too tall. So I hacked it and chopped it, And carefully lopped it, And now the dumb thing is too small. 8. There once was a boy named Dan, who wanted to fry in a pan. He tried and he tried, and eventually died, that weird little boy named Dan. Related: 101 Funny Quotes 9. A newspaperman named Fling, Could make "copy" from any old thing. But the copy he wrote, Of a five-dollar note, Was so good he now wears so much bling. 10. I know an old owl named Boo, Every night he yelled Hoo, Once a kid walked by, And started to cry, And yelled I don't have a clue! 11. I once fell in love with a blonde, But found that she wasn't so fond. Of my pet turtle named Odle, whom I'd taught how to Yodel, So she dumped him outside in the pond. 12. I'd rather have Fingers than Toes, I'd rather have Ears than a Nose. And as for my Hair, I'm glad it's all there, I'll be awfully sad, when it goes. 13. There was a Young Lady whose chin Resembled the point of a pin: So she had it made sharp, And purchased a harp, And played several tunes with her chin. (Edward Lear) 14. Hickory Dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock; the clock struck one and down he run; hickory Dickory dock. (Charles Perrault) Related: 250 Funny Questions to Ask 15. There was a faith-healer of Deal, Who said: "Although pain isn't real, If I sit on a pin And it punctures my skin, I dislike what I fancy I feel.' 16. My dog is really quite hip, Except when he takes a cold dip. He looks like a fool, when he jumps in the pool, and reminds me of a sinking ship. 17. A painter, who lived in Great Britain, Interrupted two girls with their knitting, He said, with a sigh, That park bench--well I, Just painted it, right where you're sitting. 18. There is a young schoolboy named Mason, Whose mom cuts his hair with a basin. When he stands in one place, With a scarf round his face, It's a mystery which way he’s facing. 19. There was a young schoolboy of Rye, Who was baked by mistake in a pie. To his mother’s disgust, He emerged through the crust, And exclaimed, with a yawn, Where am I? funny limerick 20. An elderly man called Keith, Mislaid his set of false teeth. They'd been laid on a chair, He'd forgot they were there, Sat down, and was bitten beneath. 21. There was an old man of Peru, Who dreamt he was eating his shoe. He woke in the night, With a terrible fright, And found it was perfectly true. 22. The incredible Wizard of Oz, Retired from his business becoz. Due to up-to-date science, To most of his clients, He wasn't the Wizard he woz. 23. Once I visited France, And learned a new, awesome dance. I twirled, And I swirled, And Is it me or the nature of money, That's odd and particularly funny. But when I have dough, It goes quickly, you know, And seeps out of my pockets like honey. I lost my pants. 24. Is it me or the nature of money, That's odd and particularly funny. But when I have dough, It goes quickly, you know, And seeps out of my pockets like honey. 25. There once was a farmer from Leeds, Who swallowed a packet of seeds. It soon came to pass, He was covered with grass, But has all the tomatoes he needs. 26. A fellow jumped off a high wall, And had a most terrible fall. He went back to bed, With a bump on his head, That's why you don't jump off a wall. 27. A man and his lady-love, Min, Skated out where the ice was quite thin. Had a quarrel, no doubt, For I hear they fell out, What a blessing they didn't fall in! 28. There was a young lady of Cork, Whose Pa made a fortune in pork. He bought for his daughter, A tutor who taught her, To balance green peas on her fork. 29. There once was a Martian called Zed With antennae all over his head. He sent out a lot Di-di-dash-di-dot But nobody knew what he said! 30. There once was a girl named Sam Who did not eat roast beef and ham She ate a green apple Then drank some Sna by tozmisalad